Clarity or what?
I've been spending some time thinking about when I want to get married and how is it gonna go about. Then I realised that it has all been very one sided. He doesn't talk about it and he hasn't even proposed (again).
This year 22/02 I wanted to leave him and go back home to stay, as much as I really don't like staying at my own home. He promised to change to be hardworking and work hard to provide the kind of life that I want. But talk is cheap. I have no idea if I want to waste any more time on him. I am not promised a future and everything is so uncertain. It seems to me that everything is just my wishful thinking and that he does not think or want the same things as I do.
This feeling of uncertainty is making me wanna leave him and find someone else. Even I know I can have someone better than this. It is only getting more and more obvious that he is not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. He only opposes to decisions that require spending money, other than that he doesn't care.
Recently, I read a Chinese article on Facebook. It states that a man with fake intentions will ask you "Do you need money?" and that he may seem to be generous but a man with real intentions will not ask and just shove money into your hand. I read that and I recall. That's what he always does. He always asks. I have told him countless of times, if he really wants to do something, he should do it. There is no need to ask me.
I know if I'm going to "talk" to him. He will as usual, sweet talk whatever I want to hear and I stupidly will fall for it and forgive him and the cycle never ends. Another post I saw online was that "A man is only insecure when he knows you deserve someone better." I guess, deep down he knows that I deserve someone better too.
Tonight, I will attempt to talk to him about it irregardless. To tell him the gravity of the this matter to me and at least get it off my chest.
This year 22/02 I wanted to leave him and go back home to stay, as much as I really don't like staying at my own home. He promised to change to be hardworking and work hard to provide the kind of life that I want. But talk is cheap. I have no idea if I want to waste any more time on him. I am not promised a future and everything is so uncertain. It seems to me that everything is just my wishful thinking and that he does not think or want the same things as I do.
This feeling of uncertainty is making me wanna leave him and find someone else. Even I know I can have someone better than this. It is only getting more and more obvious that he is not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. He only opposes to decisions that require spending money, other than that he doesn't care.
Recently, I read a Chinese article on Facebook. It states that a man with fake intentions will ask you "Do you need money?" and that he may seem to be generous but a man with real intentions will not ask and just shove money into your hand. I read that and I recall. That's what he always does. He always asks. I have told him countless of times, if he really wants to do something, he should do it. There is no need to ask me.
I know if I'm going to "talk" to him. He will as usual, sweet talk whatever I want to hear and I stupidly will fall for it and forgive him and the cycle never ends. Another post I saw online was that "A man is only insecure when he knows you deserve someone better." I guess, deep down he knows that I deserve someone better too.
Tonight, I will attempt to talk to him about it irregardless. To tell him the gravity of the this matter to me and at least get it off my chest.
Comments
Post a Comment