It gets me thinking...
I quit my full-time job in March this year and travelled to Australia, Malaysia and Thailand for the whole of April. I didn't work for the months of May and helped my friend doing part time.e work in June. July I've travelled to Malaysia and Indonesia.
Some days, I'm happy to not be working as I can sleep a full 10-12 hours a day. Sometimes, I question my decision as to stay at home because I am simply too bored. When I get too bored, I will question myself, why do I need to work? Then I will get overwhelmed by this sense of sadness that leads my thinking to suicidal thoughts. "If I die, I don't have to worry about anything." or "If I die, maybe the people around me will be rid of my laziness and me as a burden." More than often, it is a vicious cycle that happens at least once a week.
My bf said he is alright with providing for me but I can get a part time job to spend my time so I won't be bored at home or having to face the judgement of his parents. I realised from my previous job that my anxiety is something that is very real when dealing with confrontation. My whole body will shake uncontrollably and I feel as though I am gonna pass out anytime. That is not a good thing.
So far, I'm just taking a day at a time and it has been good times with a few exceptions of depressed moments. I have been thankful for everything that has happened.
Some days, I'm happy to not be working as I can sleep a full 10-12 hours a day. Sometimes, I question my decision as to stay at home because I am simply too bored. When I get too bored, I will question myself, why do I need to work? Then I will get overwhelmed by this sense of sadness that leads my thinking to suicidal thoughts. "If I die, I don't have to worry about anything." or "If I die, maybe the people around me will be rid of my laziness and me as a burden." More than often, it is a vicious cycle that happens at least once a week.
My bf said he is alright with providing for me but I can get a part time job to spend my time so I won't be bored at home or having to face the judgement of his parents. I realised from my previous job that my anxiety is something that is very real when dealing with confrontation. My whole body will shake uncontrollably and I feel as though I am gonna pass out anytime. That is not a good thing.
So far, I'm just taking a day at a time and it has been good times with a few exceptions of depressed moments. I have been thankful for everything that has happened.
Comments
Post a Comment